Here at our monastery, we are now counting more than 120 monks and nearly as many male and female Anagarikas. Sidetrack - Who is an Anagarika? Literally, it means “to not have a dwelling”. You will undoubtedly relate that to the fact that an Anagarika is someone who has renounced their lay homes, but then just as soon, you will wonder whether they are, in fact, someone without a dwelling or whether they have simply shifted to the monastery now that they have left their lay homes. To counter that, I will offer a more profound meaning of this word, i.e. one who has determined to renounce worldly existence altogether. All sentient beings have a dwelling, and it could be anything from the four great hells to the formless brahma planes, which are collectively 31 in number. However, once someone realises the essenceless nature of existence in any of these planes, they are no longer inclined to make a “dwelling” for themselves. Of course, physically, they must live somewhere, but mentally, their ambition becomes the liberation from all forms of worldly existence. So, there you have it, in a conventional sense and the absolute sense – that is an Anagarika — end of sidetrack. I am proud to say I am one of our monastery’s Anagarikas.

It hasn’t been long since the monastery was established; it has been just over six years. At that time, most of the land could be considered a wild jungle, while now, it is expanding at a rate that is hard to fathom and rarely seen, especially when it comes to monasteries. Since my arrival here six months ago, I have also been amazed to see the people who have settled here and diligently pursue the noble path while extending a golden heart to everyone else: to each other, to the devotees of the monastery, to every sentient being. A growing population of over 50 families who have migrated from cities around the country and abroad to settle down near the monastery is reminiscent of the Jethavanarama from the Buddha’s time. After six months of being here, I can wholeheartedly say that the simple reason for expressing such appreciation, care and noble love is that once you have become truly unconditionally happy, genuinely free and peaceful, it is easy to spread the same to everyone else. You wish it upon everyone. You work to give it to everyone. I speak of a state of mind where one does not distinguish a mentally fabricated boundary between oneself and others. It is truly a perfect destination to aspire to! 

And how do you get to that stage that you are truly happy, free and peaceful? It is the realisation of the truth that we have been starting to speak of in the last few articles. It also encompasses the idea that in giving, we get, and in serving others, we serve ourselves. 

Have you never thought to yourself: How can I make a change in this world, a change for the better? Maybe you have met people you wished you could have helped but, for whatever reason, couldn’t. Or have you impacted other people’s lives and experienced how much peace that gave you, at least for some time? The other way around would be possible too: You might have met someone in your life who could see “all of you” and listen to you without any barriers in their mind or any of the many “fixed narratives” our diverse societies hold. Someone who could understand you, and after talking with such a person, you felt that you had healed a little bit and regained some hope for humanity that you thought was lost.

I don’t intend to sound in any way out of the ordinary when writing this. You might be able to relate to these words, or you might not. Maybe you simply wish to understand the people around you: Why is your mother the way she is, or your father? How can I find a way to enrich their lives, give them more fulfilment, and bless other people’s lives? How can I overcome the barrier that stands between me and my friends or relatives? 

If I ask you about your relatives, spouse or parents, indeed, you love them the most, deep down in your heart—even your father, who you might not talk to that much at all. You still love him a lot for what he has done for you. Even your husband (or wife), even after many years of marriage, when things are not always shiny and bright, still you love him and the things he has done for you. These are just examples, so if these don’t perfectly relate to you, that is also fine. However, there will be someone who you care about deeply. There is nothing wrong with this. However, I invite you to consider if you have limited your love, affection, goodwill and benevolence to only your own people. Would it not be nice to overcome all these barriers? To live a life in which everything you do benefits yourself and everyone else equally? And everyone else is not limited to a select few? Where a word that you speak does not belittle yourself or the other person, but, instead, it empowers everyone? It is entirely possible to live such a life, as much as you might think that I am an idealist or a dreamer or perhaps even have taken too many substances. I say it because I have seen it with my own eyes, the transformation that the philosophy of the Buddha can bring about in people, not just in others but also within myself.

I want to explicitly stress the word “Philosophy” here because, as you might be able to guess from the name in the header, I was not born a Sri Lankan nor a Buddhist. For most of my life, I lived in Germany, where I lived a very good, upper-middle-class life with loving parents who taught me and raised me in the Christian Catholic faith. They taught me the values that Jesus had preached: "Love thy neighbour as thyself” and “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also”. At the same time, they provided me with one of the best educations that I could ever wish for in today’s world, which is not always easy to afford, as you might know. My interest was always in science and physics, so when I had it, I embraced the opportunity to study it for six intensive years. Thanks to my parent’s hard work, I had the chance to learn many things known to modern man about the cosmos and nature in its fundamentals. I had a keen desire to find out all there was to know about how nature works. Back then, my only wish was to become a professor at a world-renowned university. My parents could not understand that too well; they wanted me to become an engineer rather than a scientist. But as they themselves were educated people, coming from a rural background (their parents were hard-working, faithful Catholic farmers), they achieved a lot and could easily afford my siblings and me a form of comfort that, even by today’s standards, would be the envy of most. And they had reason to be proud of that.

For instance, they taught me the value of being honest and faithful to others. They used to say: If I should marry someone, I should stay with that person until the end. There should be no messing around, no cheating, and playing with other people’s feelings. This was certainly something that I tried to reconcile with the tendencies of modern life, where more people than ever are wondering about the recipe for “a successful relationship”, “finding the right partner”, “how to solve relationship conflicts”, and how to make sure “it does not get boring after some time”. 

If you have read the recent articles, you will know, at least in theory, the concepts of pleasure and vexation. I will not go into meticulous detail here. Still, I must mention that all of these questions can find their respective answer in the principles we have discussed if only you can apply them (open-mindedly and free from bias) to that particular area of “relationships and love”.

If you ask: Why does it get boring to be with someone after a while? After a year or ten? 

Of course, it does not necessarily have to happen. But most people will undoubtedly agree that the first few months or years of a relationship feel very intense and lovely, but that does not stay, does not last, and flattens out later on. The honeymoon period of any relationship has an expiry date. New and exciting things become the norm and habits, and some people get bored. With our understanding of the Dhamma, we can now explain the reasons behind this: Whenever you are dating someone, you might be able to meet the other person only once a week and for half a day. Therefore, for a tormenting six and a half days of the week, you will be waiting for, for example, Friday evening to meet. All this while, the wanting and hoping will produce and increase the anticipation, eagerness, longing and yearning for that future event, which we have referred to as vexation. This is the vexation to see the person that we believe (it is only a belief!) can bring us happiness. When we finally see that person, we are relieved from that vexation, just like when you go thirsty for a whole day and then are offered a glass of water. At that point, the glass of water tastes heavenly, does it not? But has that got to do anything with the water itself? Would it make sense to assume that this divine feeling of bliss came from the water? If it did, it should have the same effect on everyone, no matter their circumstances.

In reality, the relief of thirst is what we experience as pleasure. Therefore, just because you have a lot of water does not mean it brings you a pleasant feeling unless you are thirsty. In daily life, where water is readily available, drinking water will not give much pleasantness simply because we do not wait for thirst to grow out of proportion. It is generally not allowed to exacerbate because the means to quench our thirst is readily available. That is precisely why, counterintuitive to what we think when we start dating a person, the same person will not give us the same feeling after beginning to live with that person every day, such as after having married them. Ultimately, the happiness we perceive never comes from the person, as discussed in examples such as the Kottu Rotti or the twins. Actually, it can’t be called happiness, but simply “reduction in uncomfortableness or suffering”.

Back in my home country, Germany, people of all generations ask these questions—the question of a fulfilled relationship. Even though I was always able to afford most material comforts that I wanted and holiday in many countries, and that was just fine to keep me satisfied, for people around me, such as my friends, it was a hot topic to discuss “how to find the right one”, and what is the critical ingredient for a perfect relationship. Now I know that nobody has found a genuinely satisfying answer because they are not enlightened about the truth of pleasure and our own minds. If they would understand it, they would know that real happiness comes from within. Love is not so much what you get from the other person or a feeling that can make you happy if you happen to find the right look, the right mannered or right-smiling partner, but instead, it is a quality that comes from within your heart, it is directed outwards instead of something we wish to find and then take inwards. As we give it, we are also the first to receive and feel it. Limiting yourself to loving a few individuals because of their looks, personal connections, or other reasons will ultimately restrict you. You will have to deal with fear of losing, loneliness, grief of breakup, jealousy and so on. Noble Love is very different. And you deserve it, too! You need to take a step towards “what you deserve”:  Have the courage to do whatever it takes to understand the truth. After all, the truth will set you free.

After finishing my degree in university, I had the fortune to travel around many countries.  One year, I travelled from Germany to Vietnam by bicycle (which is a story for another article). In all the countries I crossed, people were pleased to receive me and host me as a Guest in their houses. That was the advantage of being on a bicycle. I could experience that all around the world; nearly everyone I met was good-hearted and willing to help me without expecting any money or anything else in return. They would invite me to their homes and cook dinner for me. They would share their life stories and show me pictures of their family and children. Some people would tell me about the loved ones they had to give up to pursue their dreams. Some envied my background and were curious about my life in Germany. When I travelled to very rural, quiet and simple cultures, I envied them (for living with nature and simple life), while they envied me (for having comforts they couldn’t have). 

All these things considered, where did I stop looking for happiness? Where did Angulimala stop? He stopped looking for happiness when he found it. That is when you can understand for yourself, realise for yourself the 4 Noble Truths, the Philosophy that the Buddha had explained and that I found by listening to the sermons from the monks of this monastery, the very sermons which we had linked to in our article from two weeks ago. And so have many other young men and women around me, monks, male and female Anagarikās. Many of them are very young, even much younger than me. The monastery provides solace to those seeking it, be they 10 or 100. But the Philosophy of the Buddha is not complicated, not only for scientists. It is for everyone. That is why even children can understand it just as well as adults. Together, our monastery is determined to make a small change in the world, to address all those stories I have heard worldwide, by sharing and explaining these principles logically and scientifically to anyone interested, regardless of origin, religion, age, or gender. 

What about you? While people in faraway countries are looking for it, turning every stone, you happen to read it in a newspaper on a Sunday morning, just by chance. Or is it just another article? Only you can decide.