Positive Thinking and Perfection

Many believe they must excel in every endeavour they undertake. Positive thinking has become a ubiquitous pursuit in today’s world. It’s widely believed that accumulating possessions leads to happiness, and achieving more is synonymous with success, garnering more praise and esteem. Embracing affirmations like “I can do it” and “I can be the best” is crucial in fostering positive thinking. However, positive thinking isn’t solely about striving for perfection and being the best at everything. Some individuals may not excel in cooking, mathematics, marathon running, or football. Comparing oneself unfavourably to exceptional talents like Michael Jackson in singing can lead to discontent. It’s essential to acknowledge the limitations of our physical abilities in this material world, which inherently imposes boundaries and constraints. Recognising these limitations as inherent aspects of existence can lead to a more contented acceptance. 
Consider, for instance, the perfectness of a bird, the starling gracefully soaring through the sky, creating mesmerising patterns in flight. Contrast that with the majestic whale, exuding pride as it swims through the depths of the ocean, occasionally leaping out of the water in sheer joy. Both embody unique forms of perfection, each in their natural habitat. The starling cannot swim, and the whale cannot fly. But neither is imperfect because of their inabilities. An inability is a relative result of comparing two or more things or between two states of the same thing. When we describe a person’s inability, we must frame it in one of two ways. It can be described as something someone is unable to do that someone else can. It can also be described as something someone was able to do at a previous point in time that they are no longer able to do. The concept of inability makes no sense when considered alone and in a singular moment. It is a relative characteristic. Therefore, whenever we feel inadequate one way or another, it is not a true reflection of what we are but rather an emotional evaluation between a perceived state and a desired state in the mind. Alas, all our inadequacies are in our minds, and for that, we pay a heavy price!
No one is responsible for how you feel. It all boils down to your understanding of the truth about this world. Once you realise that feelings of lack and incompleteness are not inherent aspects of the external world but rather constructs of the mind, you can begin to see things more clearly. Our unawakened minds perpetually seek completion, often failing to perceive the world “as it truly is”, instead clinging never to end expectations and “what ifs.” A positive perspective, then, is to acknowledge the perfection of the world as it is out there, within ourselves and everywhere in between. It is to be positive about things just the way they are. Positivity is an attitude which enables one to acknowledge that everything in this world is complete. 

Our Choices Have Chosen Us

We send our children to school expecting teachers to guide them towards professions such as doctors, engineers, or lawyers, as these are highly esteemed professions and attract much respect and regard, particularly in Asian culture. Alternatively, we aspire for them to become successful businessmen or businesswomen, hopeful that such a professional standing would offer them a prosperous and contented future.
In our country, like many others, a child’s choice of Advanced Level (AL) subjects is a serious concern for the children who must make the choices and the parents who influence them. Most students yearn for an opportunity to enter a good university. As the AL exam serves as the entrance qualification into universities, it is widely believed that their choice of AL subjects plays a significant role in how their prospects pan out. Naturally, some professions mandate a university degree as an entry-level requirement, so, understandably, this choice seems to be one on which a child’s future hangs precariously. This inevitably means that it becomes a fear factor for many parents who care deeply that their children go on to live successful and fulfilling lives and do what they can to alleviate the daunting prospect that their children might make the wrong choices. As a vice principal in my lay life, I have engaged in numerous conversations with parents, particularly regarding the subject choices of their children. Many parents believe that they do not unduly influence their children’s choices of Advanced Level (AL) subjects.

When I ask whether they agree with their child’s chosen subjects for higher studies, they often respond, ‘Yes, as long as my child is happy and fulfilled.’ However, upon further probing about what constitutes happiness in the future, they promptly mention material possessions such as a comfortable home, a reliable vehicle, and a loving family. Implicit in their response is the notion that financial success and prestigious occupations are necessary for happiness.
This underscores the paradox that while parents may claim to be hands-off in their children’s decisions, their underlying beliefs suggest otherwise. Ultimately, their conviction that happiness is contingent upon material wealth and status likely influences their children’s choices. 

Because we are limited by the choices around us, we choose among them to seek approval, worth, love and appreciation from the outside world. After all, what other choices are there for someone who believes that happiness comes from material possessions? As the material possessions you can acquire are limited, the potential paths one can take to achieve that kind of happiness are limited. Consequently, whenever we have a choice to make, paradoxically, we have no choice but to make one of the choices. There is no choice about that. So, although it seems we are making choices, it is evident that the choices have chosen us. Therefore, true freedom cannot be based on a matter of choices. This is why, rather than concern ourselves with the freedom of making the right choice, we feel it is much more meaningful to make the choice of freedom from having to make choices. To achieve this level of liberty, one must understand the timeless truths about this world. At our “Buddhist International School,” we guide our students to help them make the ultimate choice of freedom and to have no barriers to selecting who to be since they have learned the truth about this world.

Buddhist International School (BIS)

We operate The Buddhist International School (BIS) for children residing in our monastery. At BIS, we firmly believe students’ happiness depends not solely on their future professions or monetary success. Instead, it lies in their mindset and understanding of the truth, which should not be overshadowed by the expectations passed down to us from previous generations. Most of our parents unwittingly sought fulfilment of their unfulfilled dreams and ambitions through us, instilling a similar mindset that we must be careful not to pass down to our children.

BIS is a comprehensive community service project where all students receive free education, textbooks, writing materials, stationery, uniforms, hostel accommodations, and meals. While these provisions are provided at no cost, the most valuable aspect for the students is the wholesome environment and noble association they receive. BIS serves as a vast laboratory where students can experiment with life and explore their potential. Unlike many of us who continuously defer our happiness, the students of BIS do not postpone theirs, recognising that happiness is not something to be pursued someday after leaving school, graduating from university, getting themselves a job or achieving their desired lifestyle. Instead, they learn to cultivate happiness within themselves and understand the world through the teachings of Buddha Dhamma. The school is funded by charitable donations from generous benefactors, including private individuals and organisations who believe in our vision, support our mission and wish to be part of it.

Social Media-age Children

Nowadays, children are deeply affected by their relationships with social media, and we struggle to cope with it as we witness our children becoming consumed by their addiction to social media. It’s crucial to recognise that children today are immersed in social media. It has become an inseparable part of their lives and those of their parents. Consequently, it’s incredibly challenging for us in the home environment to shield children from it, especially considering our relationship with social media. We observe power struggles and endless conflicts between kids and parents. The boundaries we establish regarding social media must be implemented and lived rather than merely set.

Imagine you are in front of the mirror and see your reflection. If you raise your hands simultaneously, the image follows you without delay; suppose you ask your reflection to put their arms down. Will the refection heed you? 

You may wonder why I ask such a question. How on this earth can such a thing happen? You will say the image is the reflection that is not separate from me; it’s my image. Whatever I do, my reflection will always follow. Unequivocally, our children are our reflection. They always closely examine our life patterns and mimic and ‘reflect’ them.
While you are bouncing off the walls and laughing loudly while you watch a movie, your kid is watching you and concludes that this happiness was brought to you through the television. Now, you have already given them the view that happiness can be experienced by watching television. Then, your child will mimic your actions and watch T.V. or a movie, drawing immense amusement from the experience. As you want your child to achieve your expectations and goals, we prohibit them from watching television until they finish their homework. It is not a surprise that they feel that it’s not fair. They might confuse it with the logic of happiness. So they always want to become adults in no time to gain the pleasure you have from doing adult things, which they watch you doing but you forbid them. Children want to do the same because they believe this will make them happy, but we place tight restrictions on these. They are not pleased with the limits and rules we place upon them. Moreover, we do not follow all the provisions we introduce to them. As a result, it seems to them that we adults enjoy the best things in life while we deny them such pleasures. Is it any wonder they detest their childhood and wish to grow up soon? As our actions contradict our words, children find it challenging to build trust in their relationship with us. Unfortunately, as a result, our children push their happiness into the future and live an oppressed life because of us.

Undoubtedly, we bring up our children in our image. They observe us and will inherit the same restless mental behaviour as ours while imposing the same (sometimes) unfair and stringent rules on others.
However, at the school, the environment we have crafted for them has zero social media exposure and non-productive computer games, which personal experience and abundant research have shown are detrimental to a child’s mental well-being. However, without these distractions, children are encouraged to embrace their imagination and establish a deeper connection with nature and each other. We encourage parents to emulate the practices employed in our school at home to whatever extent practically possible. Each child is paired with a dedicated teacher who fosters a personal connection and provides gradual guidance. While most students harbour unique narratives, we as parents often find ourselves engrossed in our social media commitments, neglecting valuable opportunities for meaningful engagement. At BIS, teachers adhere to the principle of ‘actions speak louder than words,’ emphasising practical demonstration over verbal instruction.”

However, they will also have access to a computer lab and receive comprehensive instruction in information technology, ensuring that they remain connected to the contemporary world without falling behind in the face of advancing technology.

Happiness-based teaching

Parents and teachers are deeply aware of the educational structure at our school, recognising the value of education imbued with the right attitude and a clear vision. Our primary goal is the well-being and happiness of our students, with all other pursuits following suit. Parents make a forward-thinking decision to enrol their children at BIS, knowing that the school prepares them not only for a professional career but also encourages them to become individuals who contribute positively to the world while experiencing the profound happiness that comes from a correct understanding of life and nature. BIS students have the opportunity to choose from a variety of subjects, with multiple languages included in the curriculum.

Even as adults, many of us continue to yearn for the nurturing, maternal affection we may have lacked in our upbringing. We seek it in our relationships, careers, and even in substances like alcohol. We long for our children to experience the fulfilled parental love we may have missed, yet we often struggle to provide it. You might question why you are still searching for this love externally, even when your own teenager has not given it to you. However, true motherly love and care cannot be found externally; it emanates from within. It requires introspection and self-discovery. Our school teaches students to cultivate this nurturing love within themselves first. They realise it resides within them, negating the need to seek it externally. Armed with this unconditional love and compassion, they are better equipped to share it with others.

Parents and their Caterpillars

A caterpillar is a vivid example of something that brings a gruesome deathlike experience to achieve brilliance. It dies unto itself and sheds, moulds and eviscerates itself. It drops itself into an ambiguous, dark, inexperienced process of shedding, knowing that it has to spend a period with no food, water, or movement, even at the hands of potential predators.

A caterpillar spends two to three weeks in the process of complete metamorphosis. By the end of the metamorphosis. Eventually, what comes out is the elegant masterpiece of nature we call a butterfly. But it will die within three to four weeks of becoming a butterfly. This metaphor of nature has allowed us to peek into the laws of the universe itself.

Most of all, the caterpillar’s journey to becoming a butterfly teaches us how causes manifest an effect, and the constant changing of causes results in numerous manifestations. We only call it a butterfly after we can see the particular effect. When we see that effect, we give it the name butterfly. This effect of the butterfly is remarkable when we compare it to the effect of the caterpillar. They look worlds apart. 
As smart teachers, we must change how we look at our students. It’s not easy for you to surrender and give up your authority and power, but you must have the patience to listen to your students. This is a challenging task to practice. 

Once we realise the nature of kids, we can connect with our kids rather than control them. The false ‘self’, our ego, believes we are the school’s rulers, dictators, governors and controllers. Come out from the shell of darkness and be free from the haunts of your anxious mind. The only thing that you have to do is change your perception and think “out of the cocoon”. We take good care of our students not because of what they may or may not do to fulfil our ambitions for them but because it is our responsibility to provide every child with a safe and productive learning environment. 

Parents and children at BIS have made a bold and wise decision to create a well-guided environment in association with noble friends. At our school, children have the freedom to explore and cultivate their minds, experiencing the stark contrast between participating in a rat race and engaging in tranquil, competition-free learning.
BIS understands that our lives and those of our children are not separable from nature, and we are interdependent, whether we like it or not. The universal law of cause and effect governs us. Just as the caterpillar comes out of its cocoon, having transformed into a masterpiece of nature, the children at BIS go through a life-transforming journey during their time at the school. Removed from the noisy distractions of social media, addictions, ignoble indoctrinations and unhealthy exposures, they grow up instilling within them values, virtues, good manners and an understanding of the absolute truths of life. They learn that true happiness is not in worldly material possessions and, therefore, do not waste their precious lives navigating the maze of choices which ultimately lead to nowhere worthwhile. Instead, as these children come out of their cocoons and spread their wings, they enjoy the untainted happiness of the choice of freedom and the unconditional happiness it affords them.